The Paper and the Bond: Why Divorce Isn't a Quick Fix

  

    When you look at the landscape of modern relationships, a critical question we need to ask is: Can we truly erase the spiritual bonds of our past by simply signing a piece of paper?

    In our fast-paced society, we love things done quickly. We love fast food, quick easy meals, and lightning-fast projects. We love the concept of a quick fix. When something breaks or becomes uncomfortable, our first instinct is often to discard it, clear the slate, and immediately start over or just give up. It's been said, "If at first you don't succeed, try, try again; unless you're skydiving, then you probably need to pray." Yet how many times do we treat things in our life like we are skydiving without a parachute? How many times do we just give up on things because they get hard or difficult? How many times do we just quit because something is too difficult or it seems too hard to fix?

    This attitude has seeped into our society and, in particular, into our understanding of marriage. Sadly, many people today view divorce as a final, tidy conclusion that instantly frees them to jump back into the dating pool and marry someone else. One of the things that have become more and more popular is the idea of divorce parties; where people celebrate their divorce and their new found "freedom".   Far too many people enter into marriage with the mentality that if it does not work out, there is always divorce.

    In fact, there are many who sign a prenup before they sign the marriage license, thinking, "If things don't work out, at least I can protect my assets." Ironically, history shows us that the ancient world actually invented the concept of a pre-marriage contract, but for the exact opposite reason. In ancient Jewish tradition, a husband was required to sign a contract called a Ketubah. But it wasn't an exit strategy to protect his own wealth; it was designed strictly to protect the wife. It mandated a massive financial penalty that the husband had to pay her if he chose to walk away. Because it was so incredibly expensive to get a divorce, the Ketubah acted as a powerful deterrent against impulsive, fast-track breakups that we see today. It was designed to protect the covenant, not make it easier to dissolve.

    Despite the fact that they signed the Ketubah, this divorce mindset of treating marriage as disposable was incredibly common in Jesus' day, too. First-century culture was deeply divided by a massive debate between two schools of Jewish thought. The strict School of Shammai taught that divorce was only permissible in cases of severe unfaithfulness. On the other side, the popular School of Hillel taught that a man could divorce his wife for "any cause"—including burning his dinner, or simply because he found a woman he deemed more attractive. 

    When the Pharisees came to Jesus trying to trap Him, they were asking Him to pick a side in this cultural trend of easy, quick-fix divorces. Let's look at how Jesus responded to see how God views the lasting nature of our covenant relationships:

"He said to them, 'Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so.'" - Matthew 19:8 (NKJV)

    Jesus reminds us that what is easily absolved or dissolved by human courts is not so easily erased in the eyes of God. That is something I think more and more people need to keep in mind today. That is something that we need to consider not just for people who are thinking about getting a divorce, but also for those who are thinking about getting married. Divorce is not a magic, final solution. God takes our oaths—especially the solemn vows made before Him to one another—very seriously.

    Think of the woman at the well in John chapter 4. In her own mind, she likely thought she just had five "ex-husbands" and a current living situation, but Jesus pointed out that her relational history was still completely present before God. He told her that she did not have a husband but that she had five and the one she was currently living with was not her husband! 

    When a marriage dissolves, our immediate desire shouldn't be to merrily move on to the next relationship. It takes two people to build a marriage, but rifting a covenant leaves deep wounds on both sides. This is especially true when children are involved. 

    Rushing into a new relationship without dealing with personal brokenness only carries old baggage into a new home. Instead, God calls us to a season of reflection, restoration, and where possible, a heart open to reconciliation.

Bringing the Blueprint Home

    Imagine breaking a deep bone in your leg. If you cut off the cast early and try to run a marathon the very next day, you will cause infinitely more damage to the bone than the original fracture. Why? Because the leg needs time to sit in the cast, undergo physical therapy, and fully mend before it can bear weight again. I don't think there are too many people who would be willing to run a marathon on a recently set leg (at least I hope not!). Yet how many people jump from one relationship to the next without taking any time to heal, recover, and refresh themselves? Remarrying too quickly is like trying to run on a broken leg. When you do that, you are setting yourself up for trouble, and it will more than likely lead to failure.

    Contemporary data reveals the physical reality of this spiritual truth. According to national marriage and family research demographics, while first marriages face a high failure rate, remarriages face an even steeper uphill battle. Sequential relationship statistics show that subsequent marriages fail at a significantly higher rate—with some demographics experiencing up to a 60% to 80% divorce rate for third marriages. This happens because people often rush into new covenants without taking the necessary time to heal, hear from God, or own up to the mistakes they made in their past relationships.

    If you are currently divorced or going through a separation, your calling today is not to scout out your next partner. Your calling is to press into God's presence, grace, and love. Take the time to heal, allow the Holy Spirit to expose areas where you need to grow, pray sincerely for your spouse, and guard your heart against bitterness.

    There is healing for the brokenhearted. There is hope for a better tomorrow. There is life and love after a shattered marriage. There are all these things and so much more, but first we must wait and allow God to heal our broken hearts. We must take time for God to reveal in us the things we need to change. We need to allow God the time to bring His restoration and healing. That can't happen if we decide to jump back into a relationship before we have healed from the one we have just left.

    Let's circle back to where we began: Can a piece of paper completely erase a spiritual bond? Legally, yes; spiritually and emotionally, it takes deep time and divine intervention.

    No matter what your relationship status looks like today, ponder this: Are you rushing to fix your external circumstances, or are you allowing God to do the deep, internal work of healing your heart? Slow down, seek His restoration, and let Him rebuild your foundation from the inside out.